Shadow On The Ledge

‘So, you think life has meaning, yet here you are on the ledge? That doesn't add up.’

‘Yes, it does. Imagine wanting to die and standing there on the edge, facing death. At first, your whole life flashes before you—each disaster feels overwhelming, piling up. The emotions freeze you. But as you stand there, something changes. Slowly, those disasters lose their weight. Painful memories fade, and suddenly, you start remembering good moments you had overlooked. It’s like your mind finally breaks free from focusing only on the bad and shows you small signs of hope you hadn’t seen before.’

‘So then what happens?’

‘You stand there, feeling the cold wind on your face, which brings you back to the present. In that moment, your senses sharpen, and you ask yourself, How did I get here? That’s the start of pulling yourself back—slowly stepping away from the edge and letting life go on again.’

‘Just like that.’

‘Just like that. But not really. First, you need to figure out the cause. Was it something someone said, or maybe disappointment or bad luck? Whatever it was, you have to face it before you can move on.’

‘So, what happens then?’

‘You realise you have to accept some facts: You won't always win. Not everyone will approve. Sometimes, you're alone.’

‘That’s hard.’

‘The hardest part is living with that—truly accepting it. We try, but day after day, we forget. What we worked on one day slips away the next. Then the storms come, and it feels like everything’s starting over again.’

‘Storms? What kind?’

‘They’re the kind that throw you off track and make you question what life really means. In those dark times, the drive to keep going is all you have. But it can feel like everything is pushing back. You realise you can’t always soar—gravity will pull you down eventually. When you’re running on empty, that’s the real test, and your true feelings come out.’

‘Meaning?’

‘You’re out of energy, but still keep going. In those moments, you focus on what feels right to survive—even if that means choosing pleasure first. Even when you’re tired, you hold on to your goal, balancing your feelings with what you want to achieve.’

‘Is that even possible?’

‘Yes. It’s not the direct path, and it’s tough, but some say it leads to fulfilment.’

‘You never tried?’

‘I tried the first bit, not the second.’

‘You didn’t find fulfilment?’

‘Not fully. Not yet. I’ve tried hard—haven't found it, but I’ve learned a lot.’

‘Such as?’

‘Getting good at something is important. When you’re feeling depressed, it’s hard—you want quick, short-term happiness instead of working for lasting skills. Understanding this feeling helps explain why making progress can be so tough.’

‘We’re going back to a pleasure principle once again, isn’t it?’

‘Afraid so. It’s like a vicious circle, that one.’

‘Maybe it’s time to work on that now, huh?’

‘Maybe. I wish I knew how exactly. It’s a matter of trial and error, you know.’

‘Maybe then life begins, and death is conquered.’

‘Just like that?’

‘Just like that. But it is never simple, as life is not simple.’

‘Maybe. I don’t know. I wish to know, though.’

‘Why?’

‘To navigate better. When your mind sinks into depression, it can cause anxiety just to pull yourself back up, creating a cycle that pushes people away. In those times, only you—like a captain—can choose to reach out for help. Others might not see it, but you can feel where it hurts and what needs to heal. That self-awareness, even if fragile, is important. The first step to changing your current negative narrative. Once you do that, more lies ahead of you.’

‘More healing?’

‘Yes, but also learning. That’s a key step for the future.’

‘To not forget.’

‘To not forget next time.’

‘So what happens when we forget?’

'The cycle starts all over again, and it feels like no one makes it through. '

‘Just like that.’

‘Just like that. But it’s never simple.’