depression
It is not just a matter of feeling sad; discover an honest view of the mental, emotional and physical toll of clinical depression.
Joy? Is That You?
Everyone used to tell me that I could be happy again. It felt like they could never understand what I was going through so wouldn’t really know. It felt like they were too delusional and if they felt even a minute level of what I did each day, they wouldn’t say so. The counselor, the psychiatrist, the doctors, friends, and family would all say the same thing. Me, I kept denying them over and over again. Yet, it creeped up on me and took me by surprise. Like a roaring wind that grows slowly, and then maddeningly. I felt it in my chest and it was a stranger to me. “What is this feeling?” startled, I asked myself. It took me a while to realize that I was happy. “Happiness! Could it be?” In that moment, I could breathe so effortlessly I wondered how. The weight that was so familiar to my shoulders seemed to have not been there. I felt almost light, like one does when you step into a pool and all of a sudden you’re lightweight. My second thought was that I never wanted this moment to pass. “This too shall pass.” “This too shall pass.” “This too shall pass.” So many times I’d heard myself repeat that back to myself in desperate attempts to muster strength; through the panic attacks, the deep depression, the hopelessness. I never believed those words but I thought it best to lie to myself in the moment. Now though, I hoped with all my existence that it didn’t. Like a lover embraces his beloved after a long separation, I held onto the feeling with the strength of my mind.
By Ayesha Javed8 years ago in Psyche
The Phoenix - The Truth About Depression
That's always been a huge trigger of mine—I'm depressed. I don't know why. If I knew why I was depressed or if there was a way of fixing it, don't you think that I would have gone about and done whatever it was to fix it? Don't tell me that I don't seem depressed just because at that moment I'm not breaking down in tears—actually, the tears are more related to my anxiety than to my depression.
By Kayleigh Lynne8 years ago in Psyche
What Does Depression Feel Like?
What does depression feel like? I don’t know. I don’t even know if I have depression or if I’m just making these feelings up and or over exaggerating a small sadness. The only thing I know for certain is how I feel. Some days it’s hard to get out of bed, take a shower, or brush my teeth. The amount of energy needed to get out of the bed I just woke up in is overwhelming. Once I’ve managed to crawl out of bed and get into the shower, it is difficult to do anything but stand under the scalding hot warmth of the water. I have to rationalize with myself to wash my hair and body. Sometimes, I’ll even manage to pick up the razor to shave but getting out isn’t too hard though. What gets me is picking out what to wear. Two or more wardrobe changes usually happen. But it’s not always this way. Only sometimes. After all this, I am just too drained to motivate myself to go to class, especially if I already skipped the day before or a day in general.
By Carmen Pennington8 years ago in Psyche
There's a Mark on the Kitchen Cupboard
There's a mark on the kitchen cupboard. It's small and brown and probably could be scrubbed off or painted over, but no one has gotten round to it yet. It's not the first thing that people notice when they come to the house– in fact, most people never notice it at all. They're more likely to notice the amount of empty wine bottles and pizza boxes, or the fact we really need to give the place a Hoover once in a while.
By Lauren Stones8 years ago in Psyche
An Open Letter to My Depression
Dear Depression, I remember the day I met you—I remember how you felt like my friend. You told me, “This is fine, this is okay, lay down your sleepy head—the world does not matter. You are safe. Just stay with me.” I did stay with you, I stayed with you for a long time, you were my friend. At first, I didn’t mind you. I didn’t mind you because I didn’t find there was anything wrong with sleeping fourteen hours a day. I didn’t think it was a problem that I wasn’t eating—after all, I was kind of fat anyways. That’s what you would tell me. It was okay that I didn’t talk to my family because we weren’t close anyways. That’s what you said. I was okay with your presence because I didn’t know you were there.
By Jordan Benton8 years ago in Psyche
Spiralling Downwards
In everyday life, there are good moments and bad moments. These moments can be anything; passing or failing a test, finding or losing love, or maybe even getting accepted or rejected to that school you really wanted to get into. Every day there are good moments and bad moments. For “normal” people, these good and bad moments pass like hills and ditches; small bumps along the way, but nothing they can’t handle. But what if you “aren’t normal?” What if the good moments feel like you’re on top of Mt Everest, and the bad moments feel like you’re in the bottom of the Mariana’s Trench? How do you cope with these emotions?
By Hailey Gumbley8 years ago in Psyche
The Depression No One Talks About
In our society, I often see depression portrayed as "extreme sadness" or people who attempt to end their own lives. I know that there are people who reach that low and find that their will to climb the ladder of happiness is wasting away. Some people have the ability to overcome it, if they are given the resources (enough money, enough time, love, etc). And then, some people are too good at playing pretend.
By Digtzy Dog8 years ago in Psyche
Depression
Depression is not something we choose to have. Depression is not a choice. Depression is an illness that lots of people suffer from, including myself. I have dealt with this illness for many of years and nothing seems to help. I was told to go talk to a therapist. Maybe they could help. So I tried it and I didn’t feel judged at all but a little part of me wondered what they would think when I walked out of that room. Would everything I just expressed to a total stranger just not matter anymore? I deal with problems every day and everything I do affects the way I feel and my mood and my presence. There are lots of girls and boys, women and men, anyone out there that knows exactly what I’m talking about... we just are calling for help from people that really care. Not just for a moment but forever and won’t stop until we feel ok. Depression is a disease. Please don’t ignore someone when they are reaching out for you for help. Look at the symptoms. Be a good listener. That’s all we really want: for someone to really care, so we won’t feel alone.
By Tiffany Romaine8 years ago in Psyche
What Led Me to My Suicide Attempt
My depression soon started getting really bad. It got so bad I started calling into my job saying I was sick. Eventually, I just ended up in bed phone off, lights off, curtains closed. All I wanted to do was sleep. I kept hoping to close my eyes, fall into a deep sleep, and not wake up. I refused to eat, go out, talk to people, and leave my room. I tried desperately to find anyone to talk to about what was going on. Still, everyone shut me out and told me my problems and issues weren’t important enough for them.
By Shae Thompson8 years ago in Psyche
